What is the SixBillionTheory?

All the small things...

Ever since I was young, I've heard that its the small things that matter. Or some version similar to that. I accepted the idea at face value but never really understood it fully; until a couple of weeks ago. I've realized that it really is the small things that make up life. It all came from an away message i had. "...just another day...Another, anonymous day that will never be remembered..." This got me to thinking. What makes a day memorable? The happiness you experienced that day and/or the happiness you derive from remembering it? But what is happiness? Is it what you feel in the moment or is it how you feel overall. Like most things, its probably both or a combination of the two. But it made me think that a lot of it has to be your memories. Right? I mean you can basically only look forward to the future based on something that happened in the past. The present wouldn't make sense without the context of the past. So, memories, to me at least, is crucial to happiness.

OK, so i started to think back of all the big things, the good times I've had and you know a few come up. This day and that day. It's all good. But if I were to add them up, they wouldn't fill a year or even a month. So, what about all the other days. I guess they're just a bunch of anonymous days? Thats kind of weird to base your happiness on only a handful of memories. I don't think its enough to explain the genereal contentment i feel. So i guess, theres more to it. And i guess what it is, is the small things that happened on the day that you just don't remember. But you can still feel them. I can still feel the soulful laughs ive had even though i can't remember every one of them. I know ive had them and i look forward to them. I know that for the most part I've had a laugh, small or big, most days of my life. And i guess that brings me contentment.

Also, on those annonymous days when you can't go out, when you have to stay home cuz you have school the next day. Or because you worked all day and were too tired to do anything. What makes that day anything? The small things...because big things simply can't happen that day. The little laughs you have with someone. Watching your children grow and develop. Those things make you happy for that day. BUt after a while you don't really remember them. But each day carries its new small joys. So, the ones you forget are replaced by new ones.

So i guess it is a combination of both. Its fun to remember the good times you have. and all the great moments you've had. But i guess on a daily basis, when there are days when nothing spectacular can happen, its really the small things that make you happy.

Anyways, i thought this would come out better but oh well. All i know is, I can't wait to meet the woman who will be the biggest thing of my life and also the small things.

Someday all wounds will be healed. But you have to wonder how big the scars will be? Quod me nutrit, me destuit.

English final called for us to analyze a lyric poem and write one ourselves...so here is a random poem i wrote as a product of an Emily Dickinson poem...

Because I Could Not Stop For Death
By Emily Dickinson

Because I could not stop for Death—
He kindly stopped for me—
The Carriage held but just Ourselves—
And Immortality.

We slowly drove—He knew no haste
And I had put away
My labor and my leisure too,
For His Civility—

We passed the School, where Children strove
At Recess—in the Ring—
We passed the fields of Gazing Grain—
We passed the Setting Sun—

Or rather—He passed Us—
The Dews drew quivering and chill—
For only Gossamer, my Gown—
My Tippet—only Tulle—

We paused before a House that seemed
A Swelling of the Ground—
The Roof was scarcely visible—
The Cornice—in the Ground—

Since then—'tis Centuries—and yet
Feels shorter than the Day
I first surmised the Horses' Heads
Were toward Eternity—

My creation.....

Because I Could Not Stop for Gas.

Because I could not stop for gas,
My car just stopped for me.
There was no fill station in sight,
To feed my famished steed.

I coasted down an endless path,
That winded left and right.
Upon a giant’s back I went,
And saw a wondrous sight.

But like the ebb and flow of tides,
Went back to which I came.
Saw all the things I saw before,
But somehow weren’t the same.

A line of rabbits ran from me.
The windmill blew me back.
The curves turned me but from behind.
And kept me on my track

I let fate steer and did not fear,
I did not press the brake.
Someway I came back to my start.
To choose what road to take.

Days like this kick my ass.

Its days like this that I feel alone. I miss her so much. My soulmate, the love of my life, my perfect woman. I miss how she would tell me that everything is going to be ok and that no matter what i choose she'll stand by me. How, without speaking, she knows exactly how to ease my troubled heart and slow my racing mind. How she understands the dilemma I'm in and patiently waits with me until i can sort it out. How she can make me forget everything...everything with just one touch of her lips. How she can lay her head on my chest, allowing me to breathe her in, instantly bringing me to a peaceful slumber.

But how can i miss these things when I've never met her.

It's not so much hearing about other people being in love, having their teenage romance. Or seeing couples together, doing things i can only dream of. Or listening to the love songs that i wish i could sing. It's days like this, when i have a really difficult decision to make or when i get really good news. I have no one to share the burden or the success with.
This is silly, but love is like math...Its about taking away the loneliness, adding comfort, dividing the sadness, and multiplying the joy. To never have to face a tragedy alone. To always have someone to share your success with and be proud of you, making you feel even better. This is what love should be. Not two people looking into eachother, but two people looking out together. Hand in hand, ready to take on the slings and arrows of the world.

I miss you. Lets find US soon.

I am admittedly...

...an alone anachronism. I often believe that I belong in another time period. Specifically the Romantic era; when I truly belong. My ideals and values were perhaps born in this period.

The basic aims of romanticism were various: a return to nature and to belief in the goodness of humanity; the rediscovery of the artist as a supremely individual creator; and the exaltation of the senses and emotions over reason and intellect. _ Romanticism_

Eighteen

Wasting the best days of my life,
I can't hide from tomorrow,
I can only hold onto this day.
But these moments are fleeting
and so quicklly dissolve into memory.

Bittersweet memories are all I have
to look forward to now.
Soon, the laughter induced tears
will have long dried off a wrinkled cheek,
evaporating the only joy my heart has known.

Replaced by materialistic ambitions,
to give life meaning.
A shallow, empty existence.
An unhappy inhabitant
in this capitalistic catastrophe.

I chose the path less traveled
and it made no difference.
It led me to the depths of solitude,
where I die twice as fast
as those who accept simplicity.

12/13/03

Its almost been two years since i started this thing. Two years of random thoughts and feelings silently hidden away in an invisible vault. But thats all about to change. This is senior year for me. I think its about time i let things out. This will be a beginning. 2004, i can't believe it. I'm going to be an adult this year. This is the beginning of me going to college, getting a job, and then paying a mortgage. WTF is that. Finally im going to be on my own. Its not really scary, because ive been waiting for it for a long time. I want to be independent. But whoa, I've been preparing for college my whole life, and all of a sudden its here. Its similar, i would think, to reaching heaven, or hell. You're there. You can't believe it. After what seemed like forever, you're there. But heaven would be much more intense. I guess it is more comparable to a road trip. You drive for miles upon miles and finally you reach your destination. Yay we're here. Speaking of road trips. I just had one today. It was me, Darrell, Chuck, and Chris. We went to Santa Monica but the weird thing is, we planned to go to Santa Monica, and we did, but somehow we ended up in Oxnard. It was really chill though. We have to go back during summer, to Santa Monica that is. It was hella fun sitting in the car. We kinda got lost in Oxnard, but that POS place didnt get the best of us. We navigated our way out that shithole and left with some of their best tacos and jumbo jacks in cargo. WE stopped at Prominade which is another chill spot, unfortunately they didnt have any street performers because it was damp and was suppose to rain i guess. So that was one for the books.

Random thought...

...I like watching windshields defrost. Just something about how quickly the fog disappears. Its neat.