About Me
- Name: SixBillion
- Location: San Diego, California, United States
You should get to know me because; I shower twice a day, to know me is to love me, its guaranteed that your life will be better if im in it, cuz id suck the poison out of your ass if you got bit by a snake while taking a squat in the desert, ill tell you what u need to hear not what you want to hear, im honest, i keep it real, i try laugh as much as i can, ill kick the shit out of anyone that hurts you, im reasonable, im very anti drama, you'll like my friends, im super loyal, I'd take a bullet for you, i'll probably be rich, being rich doesn't matter to me, i like to go out, i like to stay in, and Im going to save the world.
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The SixBillionTheory is a comprehensive collection of thoughts and ideals of one individual. What is the SixBillionTheory? The real question is...Will you care?
Sunday, February 22, 2004
Fun road trip yesterday. Went to San Pedro HS (next to long beach) to watch our school dance team compete. It was good times. The directions we had kind of sucked so we got lost. But we knew we were going to get lost so we said eff it and got lost good. We tried to find a shortcut and came really close. We ended up taking like 3 freeways that we've never been on before, which is a decent accomplishment i think. Who has ever been on the 103, 47, or 710? I didn't even know they existed. So that was cool. But this entry is really about a
Random thought...
I have a problem. I procrastinate way too much. I'll like sit there and watch time pass. For some reason i just can't get to work. Sometimes i'll sit here and see how much time i've wasted and i'll think "I've been sitting here for 2 hours. I could be in Los Angeles by now." Or not even a destination at times. Just like hey its been 47 minutes, i could be 47 miles away from here, in any direction. Anywhere but here...
Random thought...
I have a problem. I procrastinate way too much. I'll like sit there and watch time pass. For some reason i just can't get to work. Sometimes i'll sit here and see how much time i've wasted and i'll think "I've been sitting here for 2 hours. I could be in Los Angeles by now." Or not even a destination at times. Just like hey its been 47 minutes, i could be 47 miles away from here, in any direction. Anywhere but here...
Saturday, February 14, 2004
Valentine's day is a nice idea in thought. A day to recognize love and its splendor. Even though i dont have anyone...i still think its a good day...I'm not one of those i hate valentine's day kind of people...It kind of sucks cuz like you see all the couples and it makes u realize how disconnected u feel...but still its all good.
Sadly, a lot of people are going to end their lives because of this day. But, many lives will be conceived because of this day. =) =(...duality of life..."life is all about circles...try not to get dizzy."
Sadly, a lot of people are going to end their lives because of this day. But, many lives will be conceived because of this day. =) =(...duality of life..."life is all about circles...try not to get dizzy."
Thursday, February 12, 2004
Can u feel the changes coming?
I can feel it and at the moment my heart is heavy with memories of fun days, that somehow have become anchors to my heart...
Gotta move on though...
You could direct your eyes to the sky night and day and see beautiful sunrises, sunsets, shooting stars, and fluffy white clouds and it would not be wasted time...but if you did...you'd never appreciate the flowers, seashells, and little things that are right under your nose...
We've had a good run....no regrets. 7 months....
I can feel it and at the moment my heart is heavy with memories of fun days, that somehow have become anchors to my heart...
Gotta move on though...
You could direct your eyes to the sky night and day and see beautiful sunrises, sunsets, shooting stars, and fluffy white clouds and it would not be wasted time...but if you did...you'd never appreciate the flowers, seashells, and little things that are right under your nose...
We've had a good run....no regrets. 7 months....
Monday, February 09, 2004
Random thought...
When I was a kid I read Sherlock Holmes and Encyclopedia Brown and i kinda wanted to be a detective...Sometimes i do get the urge to figure a puzzle out cuz like...
What good is a mystery if you don't try to solve it?
When I was a kid I read Sherlock Holmes and Encyclopedia Brown and i kinda wanted to be a detective...Sometimes i do get the urge to figure a puzzle out cuz like...
What good is a mystery if you don't try to solve it?
Friday, February 06, 2004
Random thought...
So i knew it was going to happen allright. Today i got my grades for the past semester and i finally did it, I got over a 4.0. I'm pretty happy with it, cuz one of my goals for High School was to get over a 4.0. But nevertheless i knew it was going to happen. I even highlighted my GPA, 4.17, but still, it happened.
When i showed my mom my report card, she looked at it and said,
"" Why did you get a B in Calculus and Physiology."
ITS NEVER GOOD ENOUGH! =*(
haha...Typical. What else would i expect from my Mom? =P
So i knew it was going to happen allright. Today i got my grades for the past semester and i finally did it, I got over a 4.0. I'm pretty happy with it, cuz one of my goals for High School was to get over a 4.0. But nevertheless i knew it was going to happen. I even highlighted my GPA, 4.17, but still, it happened.
When i showed my mom my report card, she looked at it and said,
"" Why did you get a B in Calculus and Physiology."
ITS NEVER GOOD ENOUGH! =*(
haha...Typical. What else would i expect from my Mom? =P
"The Good Die Young"
Today while i was in AP Calc, Mr Van Grove told us a story about this kid he knew who died when he was like 19. This kid was a really, really good kid. Like a real nice guy and everything, top shelf. And the point of the story was the kid's friend. His friend was the opposite, your basic Bozo, jerk type. And so at the funeral the kid says something along the lines of, i can't believe a kid like him died and I'm the one still standing here. Van Grove explained that, that reaction the friend had was the reason he was taken and why sometimes the best people who deserve to live, die. After his death the friend got his life together and is a totally different person now.
So the story kind of jumped out at me because i always think like that. I always imagine my own death and funeral. I imagine some grand exit. Jumping in front of a bullet and with my last dying breaths saying everything I've ever wanted. Telling the person not to feel guilt about my death and how i always wanted to die that way. "Everyone has to die, i got to do it while saving your life." Thats how I'd like to go. Even more, I think about how my death would affect everyone around me. I picture hundreds of people at my funeral. People i never knew even cared, shedding tears over me. All of them walking up to my casket, telling me things they never dared to speak of when i was alive. Little things like, " Hey, thanks for the laughs in English class, it was the only thing that made it bearable" or " Thanks for those tissues, i was having a bad day and it meant a lot." All the little things i do that go unnoticed, uncared, unappreciated. Funny how i would find validation of not being invisible, only when i myself am a phantom, a ghost, a memory. And even more, perhaps the loss of a child could reconcile two parents who somehow lost eachother over the years. Perhaps my death could inspire all my peers to maximize their own potentials and strive to honor my memory. We all have to die, at least i got to do it while changing the lives of all the people i loved.
Why do i think like this? I guess it just happens when life gets hard or i get sad and lonely. I'm not suicidal at all. I just think that it'd be a lot easier to pass away than have to deal with all the anxieties of life. At times it feels like there is a lot of pressure on me. Everyone expects me to do great things. To go to a top university, to be rich or to save the world. Expectations that are even my own. But sometimes i dont know if im capable. And so when i think about dying, it could actually be a good thing. Sometimes i think I'm too good for this world. But i guess thats just the classic idealist in me. Gotta have it my way or no way at all. And so an idealist expects perfection, or something close to it, but that never happens, so what else to do but throw themself on the altar of self sacrifice. But that's sissy shit. I decided a long time ago that i wouldn't do that. I've always told people not to and so my my last mortal act will not be be one of hypocrisy. But if a moment does come along where someone has to throw themself on the grenade, I will gladly give my life to serve that cause.
Today while i was in AP Calc, Mr Van Grove told us a story about this kid he knew who died when he was like 19. This kid was a really, really good kid. Like a real nice guy and everything, top shelf. And the point of the story was the kid's friend. His friend was the opposite, your basic Bozo, jerk type. And so at the funeral the kid says something along the lines of, i can't believe a kid like him died and I'm the one still standing here. Van Grove explained that, that reaction the friend had was the reason he was taken and why sometimes the best people who deserve to live, die. After his death the friend got his life together and is a totally different person now.
So the story kind of jumped out at me because i always think like that. I always imagine my own death and funeral. I imagine some grand exit. Jumping in front of a bullet and with my last dying breaths saying everything I've ever wanted. Telling the person not to feel guilt about my death and how i always wanted to die that way. "Everyone has to die, i got to do it while saving your life." Thats how I'd like to go. Even more, I think about how my death would affect everyone around me. I picture hundreds of people at my funeral. People i never knew even cared, shedding tears over me. All of them walking up to my casket, telling me things they never dared to speak of when i was alive. Little things like, " Hey, thanks for the laughs in English class, it was the only thing that made it bearable" or " Thanks for those tissues, i was having a bad day and it meant a lot." All the little things i do that go unnoticed, uncared, unappreciated. Funny how i would find validation of not being invisible, only when i myself am a phantom, a ghost, a memory. And even more, perhaps the loss of a child could reconcile two parents who somehow lost eachother over the years. Perhaps my death could inspire all my peers to maximize their own potentials and strive to honor my memory. We all have to die, at least i got to do it while changing the lives of all the people i loved.
Why do i think like this? I guess it just happens when life gets hard or i get sad and lonely. I'm not suicidal at all. I just think that it'd be a lot easier to pass away than have to deal with all the anxieties of life. At times it feels like there is a lot of pressure on me. Everyone expects me to do great things. To go to a top university, to be rich or to save the world. Expectations that are even my own. But sometimes i dont know if im capable. And so when i think about dying, it could actually be a good thing. Sometimes i think I'm too good for this world. But i guess thats just the classic idealist in me. Gotta have it my way or no way at all. And so an idealist expects perfection, or something close to it, but that never happens, so what else to do but throw themself on the altar of self sacrifice. But that's sissy shit. I decided a long time ago that i wouldn't do that. I've always told people not to and so my my last mortal act will not be be one of hypocrisy. But if a moment does come along where someone has to throw themself on the grenade, I will gladly give my life to serve that cause.
