The SixBillionTheory is a comprehensive collection of thoughts and ideals of one individual. What is the SixBillionTheory? The real question is...Will you care?

Sunday, July 13, 2003

Damn, been reading over this and its amazing how little i have written in such a long period of time. Well, Junior year is over and yes I cant believe im going to be a senior. What the hell...I'm practically an old man. Life still freaks me out crazily. I have no idea what i want to do for a career. My whole life i've thought i would become an engineer of some sort. Its what my brother is doing and what my cousin does. But lately i dont want to do it. The career just seems so empty and unsatisfying. I need a job that i feel makes a difference. Theres a million people who are engineers, and i dont want to get loss in the masses. It would be like a waste of a life. Thats the other old and recently renewed inner conflict in my life; Should i live a life serving my fellow man or should i just live life to the fullest for myself. The latter would be the easier and seemingly "funner" choice. But i've never been the type to indulge in the short-term rises. I've always strived for the meaningful, fulfilling experiences. Im definitely a big picture man. Seeing things in terms of the greatest good and the highest overall happiness. I could easily follow a lucrative career path as say a plastic surgeon, making half a million dollars a year. But somehow i dont think i would be fulfilled by it. I'm just seriously in need of some "I" power right now. Inspiration or Insight. Either will do. I just need to believe in something again. Nothing seems real as of the moment and i feel off track...Where is my motivation? Its a big world and it must be lost in it just as i am. Being in the depths sux...

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