What is the SixBillionTheory?

"The Good Die Young"

Today while i was in AP Calc, Mr Van Grove told us a story about this kid he knew who died when he was like 19. This kid was a really, really good kid. Like a real nice guy and everything, top shelf. And the point of the story was the kid's friend. His friend was the opposite, your basic Bozo, jerk type. And so at the funeral the kid says something along the lines of, i can't believe a kid like him died and I'm the one still standing here. Van Grove explained that, that reaction the friend had was the reason he was taken and why sometimes the best people who deserve to live, die. After his death the friend got his life together and is a totally different person now.

So the story kind of jumped out at me because i always think like that. I always imagine my own death and funeral. I imagine some grand exit. Jumping in front of a bullet and with my last dying breaths saying everything I've ever wanted. Telling the person not to feel guilt about my death and how i always wanted to die that way. "Everyone has to die, i got to do it while saving your life." Thats how I'd like to go. Even more, I think about how my death would affect everyone around me. I picture hundreds of people at my funeral. People i never knew even cared, shedding tears over me. All of them walking up to my casket, telling me things they never dared to speak of when i was alive. Little things like, " Hey, thanks for the laughs in English class, it was the only thing that made it bearable" or " Thanks for those tissues, i was having a bad day and it meant a lot." All the little things i do that go unnoticed, uncared, unappreciated. Funny how i would find validation of not being invisible, only when i myself am a phantom, a ghost, a memory. And even more, perhaps the loss of a child could reconcile two parents who somehow lost eachother over the years. Perhaps my death could inspire all my peers to maximize their own potentials and strive to honor my memory. We all have to die, at least i got to do it while changing the lives of all the people i loved.

Why do i think like this? I guess it just happens when life gets hard or i get sad and lonely. I'm not suicidal at all. I just think that it'd be a lot easier to pass away than have to deal with all the anxieties of life. At times it feels like there is a lot of pressure on me. Everyone expects me to do great things. To go to a top university, to be rich or to save the world. Expectations that are even my own. But sometimes i dont know if im capable. And so when i think about dying, it could actually be a good thing. Sometimes i think I'm too good for this world. But i guess thats just the classic idealist in me. Gotta have it my way or no way at all. And so an idealist expects perfection, or something close to it, but that never happens, so what else to do but throw themself on the altar of self sacrifice. But that's sissy shit. I decided a long time ago that i wouldn't do that. I've always told people not to and so my my last mortal act will not be be one of hypocrisy. But if a moment does come along where someone has to throw themself on the grenade, I will gladly give my life to serve that cause.