What is the SixBillionTheory?

The End.

This is the last entry I will ever write in this blog. The last couple years of my life have been loosely recorded here. Since the beginning of this Blog I haven't been a hundred percent honest about what it was all about. The SixBillionTheory is straight up about love; me finding love. The truth is that it was an experiment. An experiment that ended after my graduation of high school. The experiment's purpose was to see if I could find true love. To see if the whole "its whats on the inside that counts" statement is true. How would I know if its true love? Well, the way I saw it was, if a girl could love me for me, despite my appearance then I'd know that it was for who I am and no other reason. If she could love me at my worst, then I would know that she could always love me. There was a couple of potentials but ultimately they failed. So I have come to the conclusion that it doesn't exist; at least not for me. I admit this could be a weak conclusion, based on the fact that the experiment only lasted a couple years. But I can no longer risk being alone for the rest of my life or more likely because I'm just tired of being lonely. But it is decided that I need to move on with my life and just lose some weight and see what happens. This is a sad day for me as I am giving up on a belief I've had for the past few years. I don't even know if I can give up on it. But with the end of high school, I have a chance to start over. I can be whoever I want to be in college. This is my chance to break the never ending cycle of rejection. To cut ties with all my weaknesses and hindrances. I'll probably end up being the same person in college, which isn't so bad. I enjoyed my life in high school. I was content but never truly happy because something or rather someone was always lacking. Maybe I'll find a Korean girl or a Japanese girl...they have no idea what a Kuya is ^_~. Who am I kidding though. I love my Filipina women, they are truly what keeps my heart beating. This journal is coming to an end. However, the adventure is far from over. For example, I will be travelling to the Philippines on July 3rd til July 23rd. Who knows what new experiences I will have. Perhaps if you know me well enough you will hear about them in my new blog, but you will have to find out where it is through me. I hope you have enjoyed my thoughts and will some day quote me on them. Lets see, any last advice i should give.

Love is not about finding the person of your dreams. The person of your dreams is just in your mind. You think; I want her to be this tall, to look like this, to be able to do this. But those are just statistics. Love isn't about statistics. Its about what you feel. But you have to remember to only look with your heart and not your mind. You have to love purely and not out of fear or insecurity and you can't discount anyone. Keep an open heart and let people in. Wear your heart on your sleeve and be prepared to get hurt. It's the only way you'll ever find out what's real.

In the event of my demise...

In the event of my demise, I hope I die with a purpose and not in some senseless way. There was so much i wanted to do before my time was up. I wanted to leave the world better than I found it. But if do die in some stupid pointless way, have no worries. I also ask that any who feel responsible or guilty about my death in any way relieve themself of such burdens. I do not fear death and am not worried about the judgement of my soul. If you are however responsible for my death in any way, I forgive you and thank you for setting me free. Although, Im not completely happy about my life I feel blessed. I have had many blessings and it would be impossible to recount them all. I am thankful for my family, my friends, and my experiences. I've had the best of times and very few of the worst of times. I'm proud of who I am and how i came to my position in life. I have no major regrets as it was not my policy to live in such a way to cause them. I request that I be buried with the tears of all those who loved me and that this blog be revealed to everyone who knew me. I thank all who were positive in my life and in the event of my demise.


MO Santos

Foreshadowing...

The end is near...All will be revealed...

Dear Destiny & Fate,
You got four days.

Sincerely,
_Mark_

End of Days...

Well to wrap up high school its been really fun. I couldn't have asked for a better ending. Its turning out really well. Prom was more fun than I ever imagined it could be. I owe it all to the best date in the world Melissa Bernal. I had a wonderful time and I hope she did too. We talked forever at dinner and were the last ones to finish. We sang to eachother during the slow songs and laughed during the fast ones. To sum up the night up I suggest New Found Glory - The Story So Far...Although to be honest im not sure about the best i've ever had...It was really good though...not awkward at all. After prom was a little crazy. I think i got shitfaced for the first time ever. I wasn't outta control but my motor functions were definitely affected. I didn't yak or stumble around but i was pretty dizzy. Uhhh, what can i say? It was Karla's fault really. We were playing speed 2 ( the one with the four cards on each side) for shots. I had a head start on drinking so I was lil less coordinated to begin with...then i lost two times in a row but shes super lightweight so the smirnoff she was sipping on and the shot she had earlier started to get to her and she ended up losing one. Then after that we just chilled. She yakked, but it wasn't too bad. Thin streams. And anyways everyone else got shitfaced. Darrell got pretty emotional, Blaise didn't drink too much, Nick got pretty loose, Chris talked a lot as usual, chuck got clingy on Hannah, and it was all good...No drama...couldn't ask for more you know. Dare I say it was the best night of my life...maybe. No hangover so its all good.. Stayed up the whole night pretty much...slept a little at 7am then woke up an hour or so later. Went to sleep at midnight on that Sunday.

Good times.

Silence kills me

I just really can't stand silence. There are times when I appreciate quiet moments, but for 95% of the time I need some kind of noise. Whether I'm sitting in class or at home doing some work. I just need some noise in the background. I think it helps me focus. When there is silence, I'm searching for some kind of noise and my mind wonders. But when there is noise, I get used to it and just ignore it.

Also I hate awkward silences

I hate when people don't talk. It's like, I wonder what theyre thinking. Hmm, well they arent talking, maybe they're angry. Are they angry at me. Did I do something. DAMN WTF DID I DO! And yah, silence just leaves u guessing what someone is thinking. That can be very uncomfortable.

And last but worst of all, I hate it when you're alone and silence is the only thing you can hear. Thats the worse. Silence can be overwhelmingingly loud for me. Like when you're sitting in the car at night or something. Seriously, sometimes i have to like snap my fingers just to make sure I'm not deaf. Its like static but its silent. It literally hurts my ears.

From here on out, I dont think it gets any easier. But I'm pretty sure it gets better. =)

"Did you wash your hands? It might be finger licking good."
_Mom_

haha...damn that one got me good.

I can't believe in love without God.
Nor can i believe in God without love.
So, for God's sake love eachother,
and for love's sake believe in God.


Will there come a day when it all comes crashing down?

Random thought...

With dreams like these who needs nightmares...

If you're Filipino, is it worse to be typically filipino or typically white or typically black?

The point is...don't judge.

And besides who can say what is typically filipino, as far as our genration. We still have no identity in this country, not the way black people and to a certain extent chinese people do.

What music does a Filipino listen to?

What kind of clothes does a Filipino wear?

How does a Filipino wear their hair?

Change Filipino to Caucasians or Africans and I'm sure answers will be readily available. And even to Filipino some answers come quickly, but i think just depends. Cuz as i see it now, our race is divided into hip hop and punk... Its the way i see it...some may not agree. And i do recognize that a lot of african, caucasian, and filipino people dont fit into their stereotypes. I am referring to the majority, which maybe unfair to say, so I will restate it as what the media depicts.

So i guess, Filipinos drive a rice rocket, listen to rap, have a dad in the navy and a nurse for a mom.

Or do they listen to punk, drive to shows, wear studded belts, have a dad in the navy and a nurse for a mom?


It seems to me that we are halo halo...comprised of different elements from other races. Some are into hip hop, some are into punk, many are into both. Our parents have raised us wit a strong sense of our Filipino heritage but at the same time conformed us to American ideals. I think that style of parenting has cultivated a unique duality that allows us the malleability to indulge and borrow from the established races that are already in the mainstream. This borrowing from other established cultures may be seen as weakness of personality, even to me at times, but i think it can also be perceived as our greatest strength. We do both, we are comfortable with doing both. We can just as easily get our groove on at a dance as we can rock out at concerts. We ball we play guitar. We do it all.

Which to me is the most faithful embodiment to the american ideal of the melting pot...We're not even close to perfect...But perhaps we are a start...I have a feeling that someway somehow, our people will bridge the gap between races

...and i hope to lead that movement.

So, some people are asking me,

Why are you dressing like that now?

Why are you playing golf?

Why are you into art?

I say, its because someone has to. And i enjoy it, it comes naturally, so i will indulge it.

The way i see it, our people can either form our own identity in this country, or we can simply fall in with the others. Or perhaps we can unite the races and that can be our legacy.

Yes this a bunch of idealistic ramblings...and it will probably never happen. But hey its worth a try. By the time we're grandparents, racism will have decreased immensely. Today we still have racism in the older generations that pass on their hate and prejudice to our peers. But once we are the elders, it will just decrease and decrease. Will it ever be gone, I dunno.

So befriend a white or black person today. Show them the beauty of our culture as well as other cultures. Eliminate their passed on prejudices so that they will not pass them on to their children. Someday, our great great grandchildren will never have to know the injustices of prejudice. Black, white, Filipino alike are all prejudiced, so its on all of us to change that.

College will be the beginning for me. I dunno how im going to do it, or if i even will, but its worth a shot.

Imagine a place u hate being....stuck in traffic....at the post office....the dentists chair...a doctors waiting room...Now imagine being forced to be there every single day 5 days a week...Well thats how i feel about High School right now...I'm sitting here, stressed out, just waiting for it to be over so i can get to where i want to go....If only i could make my parents understand this.

Two things i hate and im sure will always hate is traffic and waiting in line. Of course there can be exceptions like when you're with other people, but for the majority of the time. That is basically how I'm feeling about high school...Im waiting in line til i can go to college....waiting in line to walk at graduation....stuck in the traffic of "busy" work as well as course work that wont even count for anything. The purpose of High School has always been to prepare for and get accepted to College...Well...I've been ready for college since the end of sophmore year and i got accepted to college a month ago...WHAT THE HELL AM I DOING IN SCHOOL STILL....its served its purpose...let us loose already...This is the basis of senioritis...This is why mentally im done with high school and continue to have a difficult time completing the simplest of assignments.

Whenever I miss a couple days of school or stay out of town for a couple days...I always feel like its going to be different when i get back...But it never is... its actually strangely the same...Will that be the case when I'm coming home from Irvine? I hope so...but at the same time i don't.

What's worse; feeling left out or feeling like you're tagging along?